Give Children an Opportunity to Accomplish on Their Own, and They Will Have Good Self-Esteem

It is ironic that we talk about self-esteem as something that we can instill in our children…to me (and I don’t have a psychology degree) it seems that as parents we can tear down kids’ self-esteem through harsh words, but it doesn’t seem that we can give them self-esteem. And when we try, they see right through it. Allowing them to try something even though they may fail is a learning experience, and can make them feel good about themselves. If they try something and succeed on their own, then they will feel good about themselves (whether or not you praise them for it).

I have a bag full of trophies in my basement – I am trying to figure out what to do with them. They are my son and daughter’s trophies from softball, baseball, soccer and basketball. They have no meaning to my kids because they were given out to everyone on the team – basically a trophy for participating. And consequently, they are meaningless. Yet we parents chipped in money every darn season to buy these things, thinking they would make the kids feel good.

My kids did keep a few trophies – these were for things they had actually earned or accomplished. When we praise and reward kids for meaningless things, we are not increasing their self-esteem. Remember the “self” in self-esteem – it comes from the inside, not the outside.