Forgive

This is a tough one. It’s easier for some people than for others. Some families make an art form of holding grudges – you may need a scorecard to see who is talking to whom this year!! What a waste of time and energy. None of us is so perfect that we have never made a mistake, never been wrong, never hurt someone else. (Remember the saying about “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones?”).

If they apologize, then accept that, forgive, and move on. Realize that it is hard for most people to admit fault and/or apologize, so even if you think they haven’t groveled sufficiently given the magnitude of the offense, forgive them and move on.

In the end, holding a grudge hurts you as much as it hurts them. I really think of it as a cancer on my soul – until I can let it go, it will fester there and perhaps grow larger. I realize that some hurts are too fresh, and too painful to let go of immediately. Just work toward forgiving – say it to your self (“I forgive them”) – it may not work immediately, but eventually the pain will subside and you can forgive.

It always helps if you can try to see things from a different perspective. Try thinking about what might be in that person’s background or experience that led them to treating you this way. That doesn’t excuse their behavior, but sometimes it can help you to forgive them. Maybe they weren’t ever shown much love, or maybe their family or environment was sarcastic or self-centered, or maybe they or a loved one are seriously ill.

It is much harder to forgive if the other person doesn’t think they have done anything wrong or hurtful – they may not even realize the impact they have had or the pain that they caused. You can either try to get them to realize what they have done, let it go and try to forgive, or nurse that hurt and keep the grudge going.