Know What You Want, and More Importantly, Why You Want It

So many times we think we want something, and we think about it and work toward it, and when we get it we are happy and excited for a little while, and then it wears off. So then we will set our sights on something else that we want, probably something that will bring us just as little enjoyment over the long haul.

Most of our “wants” are things…we want a certain kind of house in a certain type of neighborhood with a particular car, etc. etc. What I’m talking about is deciding what is important to you in your life – what do you want your day-to-day life to look like? Do you thrive on being the driven business person, stopping by home for a few hours to check in each night? Do you want to have a family and spend time with them each day, and be around for whatever issues may come up? Do you want time to be able to relax each day? Do you want a life that is connected to your community? Do you want to create a business or organization that will live on after you are gone?

It isn’t enough to say “I want to make enough money to live comfortably”, because that “comfortably” bar seems to go higher and higher for most people as we begin making money. You can always use more money, but most likely the things you buy with money (once you get past food, shelter and clothing) won’t make you happy. Think hard about what standard of living you really need – do you need a new car every year, do you need high end furniture in your house, do you need that new pasta maker, do you need 400 cable channels or internet access on your cell phone, etc.?

So make a list of what you think is important – come up with a set of goals that will shape your life. And don’t make it a list of “stuff” to buy – make it a list that describes what you want your everyday life to be like. Do you want to coach your kid’s sports team? If so, then you want to work toward a job that is flexible during that season. Do you want to work part-time after you have children? If so, then find a company that respects individual contributions, and work hard to make yourself indispensible. Do you want to be financially secure so you can focus on helping others, perhaps through volunteer or non-profit work? Then keep your standard of living at an affordable level and save as much as you can. Do you want to be able to stay home with your children and raise them yourself? Then make sure that you don’t outspend your income, and save up because kids are amazingly expensive. Obviously, if you are married or in a partnership, these are decisions you need to make together.

From the time we were engaged, my husband and I would talk about these things. Luckily, we wanted the same things – that makes marriage a whole lot easier. What we wanted was to raise a family, to have the option of one of us staying home with the kids when they were little, and to be financially secure enough that we could sleep at night. Our other big goal was to retire by age 45 – pretty optimistic, but that was our goal. We knew that it was likely we wouldn’t achieve that particular goal, but it gave us a frame of reference to decide if something was important or not.

So, from the day we were married, we made decisions with these things in mind. We both had good jobs and worked hard. We put a lot of our money into savings when we were young, because once we had kids, it became harder to save. We never bought a huge house, and we always drove our cars until they were pretty well dead. I worked part-time when the kids were little, but after 5 years that became too much and I stayed home. When we bought our house, our cars, etc. we always kept expenses to one salary. Not only did this enable me to stay home with our children, it also made us more secure in case of job loss.

Now, I realize that not everyone can do this. But I see a lot of people who complain that they both have to work when they live in a huge house with new cars every year and their kids have every toy known to mankind. I knew someone who complained that she couldn’t pay her rent, yet she had cable and internet and cell phones and monthly manicures and her kids had every video game that was available. I’m not trying to tell you how to spend your money, but to encourage you to realize that you do have choices in how you spend it.

Ironically, most people think that money is what is keeping them from being happy. You have only to look at what happens to people who win the lottery to see that this is not true. Many are bankrupt within a few years. And others find out that money won’t fix a poor relationship with a spouse, or a child that won’t listen, or a family member addicted to drugs or alcohol.